Saturday, March 17, 2012

Out of the Ordinary

This is a piece of writing I've been working on. This is just a small excerpt from the intro. I was wondering if you would all give me your feedback? Just give me your honest opinion of what you think of it. And if pressed, I may post more.


It was impossible to sleep with so much rain pouring down on the roof, and the thunder wasn't really helping either. But with each flash of lightning, Silas found it impossible to keep her eyes shut.
Letting out a disgruntled sigh, she forced herself to sit upright and pulled the sheets around her body. Her husband, Tyrell, was asleep in the bed next to her, sounding like an obnoxious bugler from summer camp with those monstrous snores. Usually Silas slept right through Tyrell's nightly charade but combined with the thunder storm it was just too much tonight. She envied the way he could sleep through anything, and wished she had the same gift.
Leaning her head back against the headboard, her eyes slid shut for a mere second -- but it was just long enough. A flash of lightning. Roaring thunder. And suddenly she was out in the rain, running through a field in her bare feet.
"Sienna, stop!" her mother called. "Come inside! I don't want you getting struck by lightning!"
Sienna giggled, running further as the rain poured down on her springy curls -- she was only four years old.
"But momma! I love the rain!" Another giggled escaping, she twirled around in the downpour, puddles unable to avoid her splashing step.
The woman she called her mother laughed lightly, a small smile slipping past her lips. She was enjoying the fun her daughter was having, momentarily forgetting any dangers.
She watched as Sienna threw her arms toward the sky, begging. More thunder. More rain. Lightning searching for a way to meet the ground, and finding a little girl in a wide open field just far away enough from her house that it was too lazy to travel that much further. Sienna gasped in shock as she was struck. The lightning barely shocked her, feeling a little weary from its search for a conducter. Oblivious to her mother's screams and the fact that she had come this close to harm, she clapped her hands and laughed up at the sky, wanting more. but she wouldn't get it, for her mother had swept her into her arms and was running toward the house screaming for her husband to call the doctor.
With another flash of lightning, the memory faded. Silas was shaking, her breathing off, her mind racing. What had just happened? That memory was hers, it was so real . . . but her name wasn't Sienna. That woman wasn't her mother. She had never been anywhere that it would rain or storm so crazily. And yet it all seemed so familiar. . .
"Tyrell." She shook her husband gently, her mind in a panic. What was happening? She didn't feel well at all, and felt like something was horribly wrong.
"Hm?" Tyrell grumbled, slowly coming to. "What is it?" he grumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes.
"I feel sick --" She slumped over onto the bed, unconscious.



  1. I really enjoyed reading that again!

  2. foghorn snores-- slightly cliche... But holy cow girl I love it!!! Thanks for commenting on mine too by the way!!!
    "too lazy to travel much further..." -- genius I love that whole sentence.

  3. Okay, I changed it to 'bugling snores' :P that seems a little less cliche. Thanks for reading it!

    And you are most welcome, I'm excited to read more of your story. :)